you must deserve the wedding (and wait for drugs)

I went to a wedding. It hardened my feelings that I'm not designed for weddings. Neither as visitor nor as main actor. All that declaration/declamation of love, happiness, goodwill till the end of the world feels like too much for me. I was asking myself why but I'm not sure about the answer yet.

On practical level wedding used to make sense in times when you could not touch opposite sex before marriage. I can imagine that getting married at these times would be certain culmination and beginning of something truly new and wedding would be a ritual introducing two people on completely different path. But today it is more or less a stamp on something what does not need a stamp. Perhaps I would take it more seriously and with respect if people could not get divorced and adultery would be a crime you would go to jail for. That would bear certain weight. But people get married, and divorced and married and divorced and each time they have 'the wedding'.

Keeping relationship in working order is difficult and for some reason underestimated or even overlooked task. In long run it is hard. You getting to know and influence each other on completely different level, you are changing as you are getting older and your partner after five ten twenty years might be somebody utterly different, you are going together through life peripeties, you rise children, etc. It is bloody hard. And wedding these days does not have much of an impact on relationship stability. At least not in Western culture which centers around your ego, personal space and freedom and everything else than something as basic as faith.

Yeah, whatever, I got too philosophical. Here is my point: if me and Pania stay together for 22 years then I will marry her! Wedding must be deserved! So if we work patiently, diligently and ardently for whole 22 year and keep loving each other then we should get the right to get married and celebrate our life, receive the gifts and appreciations and instead of talking about future we can talk about past and be "example" for your children and others. But not the other way. That's too easy and cost you nothing.

That reminds me another thought from this week: young people take drugs and are in search of their subconscious, meaning of life and whatever ... you name it. But it is totally wrong. Young people have everything: youth, energy, faith, hopes, dreams, sex, freedom, ... they are overloaded with adrenaline and their life is constantly pretty amazing and there are no problems they really need to solve or get answers to. It takes young people another ten to twenty years to get to the state when you know yourself a bit more, when you had time to live your own live, work on your carrier (in the widest sense of the word) and when you come to a point when you realize that things are not as good as you wanted them or planned and future does not look that clear and attractive. That is the time - I think - that people should start to experiment with their life and try to get deeper under the surface and get the answers to their questions. I'm not saying we should start taking drugs, but it would be more appropriate age to take some hallucinogen and hope to uncover your subconscious then when you were teen.

Everything needs its time. When I was young I was passionate about everything and wanted to change the world etc. etc. But I was also pretty immature, unexperienced, impatient, intolerant, naive, ignorant, self centered rebel. I could do a revolution, but I could not change the world to be a better place.

Quote of this week: Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding that limit - Elbert Hubbard

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